Hovering Over the "Submit" Key

I'm extremely tempted to register for the 2012 Twin Cities Marathon (October 7). Registration opened yesterday! If I'm going to do it I need to commit right now. Which is a problem since I'd really like to do the race but am not quite ready to commit to a marathon today.

I have talked myself in and out of this race about twenty times this month. I would definitely like to do the TC Marathon some day. For one, the race gets rave reviews from everyone who's run it on everything from the organization to the course. More significantly, since I went to college in Minnesota there is a large group of dear friends who live there (and who I don't see for very long stretches of time). It would be terrific to not only hang out with them during the weekend but also introduce my new little girl to them. And on top of that fun, I could look for some of my favorite people out on the course cheering for me (and probably at least one friend who will also be running the race!). It would be an extremely special weekend.

On the flip side- EEK - my longest run is at five miles this weekend! I have no idea if I can pull this off! And even in my moments of enthusiasm ("fire in the belly" as my husband puts it) when I decide I can commit to the training, I choke recalling the memory of 3+ hour training runs at the crack of dawn (to beat the summer heat) as I geared up for the Detroit Marathon in 2006. How am I going to pull this off?

And even if I could pull it off, the most critical questions remain: Do I want to pull this off? Should I want to pull this off? When weighing extreme commitment to a hobby (because when I step away from the "I have to ___" intense moments of training, that really is what this is) versus the rest of my life (mainly husband and kids), at what point am I being too selfish? I don't have to train for a marathon to be in shape. I could probably be quite satisfied with training for shorter races. Why is this particular distance so tantalizing, especially when it would require so much of my time and energy at a time in my life when I don't have much to spare?

I'm not quite sure. I think partly it is because it is something within the realm of the possibility for me yet also something that I may fail at if I don't really work. In all honesty, based on my experience training in 2006, I'd give myself a 60% shot of actually toeing the line if I signed up for a fall marathon right this second.

Back to the questions above, though. When I raced my half ironman in September 2010, Oren was fifteen months old. When I started my intense training period, I was out of work for summer vacation and (with Tom's support, both emotionally and financially) Oren went to day care for two full days each week even though I wasn't working so that I could get my longest bike ride and runs in. It was such a luxury, such a gift from my husband to be able to do that. And at the same time, it makes me cringe with guilt: what kind of mother am I that I will put my son in daycare so I can go run and bike? Was it amazing to have that time to go out and challenge myself? Yes. Was it embarrassing to answer a call from day care letting me know that my son had thrown up while I was on my bike? ("Sorry, its going to be at least an hour, I'm still twenty miles from my car...") Yes. My whole family would sacrifice to get me to the finish line of a marathon- this time with an additional little person.

I remember my longest run while training for Detroit- I was living in Indianapolis with my parents that summer. I was lucky enough to be using the Monon Trail there for training- miles and miles of former train track. I could just run and run and run. It was amazing. Ten miles straight out of Carmel, where my parents live, almost all the way to downtown Indianapolis I finally paused and turned around. That's when it occured to me I still had to run ten miles all the way back home. And I was out of things to think about. I doubted myself and my use of time then... there were plenty of other things I could have been doing (at the time, it was wedding planning) but instead I was still running. What is that going to be like when there are people I could be with instead of just things I could be doing? I really don't know.

Can I do it again?

I don't know.

But I kind of want to...

Martian Training: Week 1

Miles Run Today: 3

I've celebrated my first week back "in training" by registering for a 10k race that will fall in the middle of my training, as the mileage begins to creep closer to that magic 13.1. I think its nice to have shorter races on the schedule while working towards a much longer event. The longer event is great motivation for following the training plan, but it helps to have a couple of short races on the calendar to get you through as the weeks slog on and adding miles seems less exciting. Especially this time of year when just about everything seems tedious! So, March 18th will find me dressed in green (eek, I'll have to find some!) and lined up to run the ShamRock 'n' Roll 10k in Plymouth. These are the same folks who hosted the Wicked Halloween run that Oren and I completed. They did an impressive job for a new race company so I'm more than happy to do another one of their events. I'm extra happy to support them as Plymouth is much easier for me to get to than Ann Arbor or Detroit, two cities with other major St. Patrick's Day runs but much further away. In general SE Michigan is drenched in athletic events, but they always seem to require a drive. As not only a mom of young children but a nursing mom, I am On The Clock. As such, I'm always on the look out for events with the shortest possible drive.

I'm feeling good, midway through Week 1 of my half-marathon training plan. I've just completed two back to back three mile runs. That's six miles in just over 24 hours, a lot for this chicky! I'm patting myself on the back, especially since the treadmills had no working TV yesterday (NO!) and I still haven't recovered my tunes... it was some serious mental conditioning. My schedule calls for another three miler tomorrow, but as I never run even two days in a row, much less three, I am leaning towards doing only a couple of miles if any. I don't want to screw these legs up right off the bat! Maybe I'll go swim instead. Or walk with the dog. We shall see. I'm not stressing about it at all and will definitely tend towards not overdoing it this time around.

And perhaps as a show of support, I believe my littlest peanut has turned a corner on sleep! We've been doing some sleep training with her, albeit in a more gradual form then what we did with her older brother, but it is finally paying off (oh, thank you!). I just hope it sticks. Waking up after having spent the entire night in my bed makes me feel like I can climb mountains, swim upstream, tame wild children and (most importantly) run for miles and miles!

Officially: IN TRAINING

I start training for the April 14th Martian Half Marathon (Dearborn, MI) tomorrow! My two practice weeks went well. I didn't get all four runs in, but I am up to three weekly runs from zero in December so I'm focusing on the improvement. I've purchased swim goggles and have been swimming with my family, but have yet to jump into the lap pool. The bike, unfortunately, hasn't moved an inch. And I managed to leave my Shuffle at the YMCA, clipped to a treadmill (still hoping to recover it). In spite of those details, I am ready to start this training plan! My "long" run is back up to 3.5 miles (yesterday) so I'll be ready to run four miles in a week and then to bust on past that in the next few weeks. I'm ready for some really long runs!

The Right Goals

Miles Run Today: 3

This week I bought some new swim goggles and ran three separate times (twice outside). I can tell that I'm on the right track because I'm finally anticipating my runs instead of dragging them around on my millstone of a "To Do" list. Having a reasonable plan, even one I haven't started yet, makes me feel like there is specific progress to be made. More importantly, having a goal that feels more attainable than possibly fatal has definitely improved my spirits. I feel like I am back on track to rescuing the Athlete Me. One more week of "practice" before I start my half-marathon training plan next week. I'm really looking forward to it.

A New Year and A New Race, A New Plan

Miles Run Today: 2.5

Yes, it is a new year and a new month and no, I am still not running regularly. I'm lucky if I get out once a week and didn't run at all for the two weeks surrounding Christmas. I was pleased to get new warm running clothing from Tom for Christmas (as requested) and extra happy to get a chance to run while visiting my parents- on the trail I used when I trained for the Detroit Marathon five years (a million years?) ago. But no, no routine yet.

I did crank up the stakes though, by registering for the Martian Half-Marathon on April 14. I will be completing this race in 14 weeks! Plenty of time to train for it if I start now. Which I shall. Here's my plan:

Half Marathon Training Schedule: Novice 2

Week	Sun	Mon	Tues	Wed	Thurs	Fri	Sat
1 (1/22)	Rest	cross	3 m run	3 m run	3 m run	Rest	4 m run
2	Rest	cross	3 m run	3 m pace	3 m run	Rest	5 m run
3	Rest	cross	3 m run	4 m run	3 m run	Rest	6 m run
4	Rest	cross	3 m run	4 m pace	3 m run	Rest	7 m run
5	Rest	cross	3 m run	4 m run	3 m run	Rest	8 m run
6	Rest	cross	3 m run	4m pace	3 m run	Rest	5-K Race
7	Rest	cross	3 m run	5 m run	3 m run	Rest	9 m run
8	Rest	cross	3 m run	5 m pace	3 m run	Rest	10 m run
9	Rest	cross	3 m run	5 m run	3 m run	Rest	10-K Race
10	Rest	cross	3 m run	5 m pace	3 m run	Rest	11 m run
11	Rest	cross	3 m run	5 m run	3 m run	Rest	12 m run
12 (4/14)	Rest	cross	3 m run	2 m pace	2 m run	Rest	half

This is the Novice 2 Half Marathon plan created by Hal Higdon, which I've tweaked to fit my schedule. I've had tons of success training with Mr. Higdon's plans from 5k up through the full enchilada. (Sidenote: I actually met him at the Chicago Marathon Expo back when I lived there and had my photo taken with him!) This may sound negative, but I am certain I won't get in all these workouts- particularly the midweek runs. But, I've positioned the workouts so that it is theoretically do-able (insert God laughing with me, not at me). Kid #1 is at day care on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I can do my crosstraining on Mondays. I imagine swimming for days I get to the Y, biking when I don't. Both will require some prep- I currently have no goggles (gasp!) and my bike has a punctured tire, is resting in the laundry room with one wheel off and is covered in (a lot) of dust. It needs to get put back on the stationary trainer and receive some TLC. Maybe I'll use Netflix as an incentive- I can finally watch Glee! Then my mid-week long run I will do at the Y on Wednesdays. I purposely split up the weekend stuff so that I would only have one workout during Sat/Sun. That way I can just aim to get it done on the day that works for us and won't have another workout to juggle or more time to spend apart from the family.

I think this should work! The good news is that since this is a 12 week plan and I have 14 weeks till race day, I have two weeks to "practice" this schedule and get myself into a groove.

Ready, set, go!

Some Days I'm Just Tired

Some days it still takes me by surprise that I'm a mom. That God trusts me with these two little people. I mean, my husband at least came into this relationship knowing what he was getting into. And theoretically, he can leave if he wants. But these little people- they are so LITTLE. And trusting. And fragile in every sense. And they are so... very... DEPENDENT. It exhausts me to just think of it all some days.

And I'm already exhausted.

That's the catch. I keep setting these goals and I still, STILL think of myself as just myself. I know what it takes to motivate myself to work out and I totally have it in me to go that far. The problem is that I forget that I am not just myself anymore. Or more accurately, I am a new "myself". Not to get to philosophical here but the truth is that regardless of my strategies and my superstar co-parent-er, I am totally exhausted. I haven't had a day "off" in a very, very long time. It takes as much energy to get both little people to the Y child care as it does to run on the treadmill and as I do so I am watching the clock and worrying about nap time and lunch time and when will Mara want to nurse and what are we going to do this afternoon? I am sustaining myself AND my little girl with the calories I take in and burn off. I can't nap because the second I do I hear a baby crying even if it is only a motorcycle engine down the street.

And these are not complaints (ok, sort of) they are just my reality right now. I'm eventually going to have to embrace this reality and get used to it if I will ever be able to be ok with this new "me". All the planning in the world may still not help me get in a long run if Mara has a growth spurt and doesn't sleep or Oren gets an owie and needs comforting or heaven forbid either one gets really sick. They are the priority right now and sometimes I don't like that a lot. It means that I can't stick to the plan "no matter what". It means even when the spirit is willing I still have to put them first.

But our family is wonderful and I am the Mommy. And somehow this Mommy will become a Mommy Athlete and I will find room for all of it. This is merely a chapter and these goals will help me create space in my new "self" for parts of the old. This weekend I get to run my hundredth mile since giving birth. That seems like a small number and at the same time, HUGE.

Plan B - Better than the First!

Miles Run Today: 2

My original plan was good. A marathon, a century ride and a 5k swim by the end of next summer. But the reality is, I'm still not logging the miles or the work outs that I need to be in order to not a) get injured or b) hate myself while training. I don't really see myself doing too many marathons in my life (this will double the number I've done so far!), so I would prefer to enjoy the journey. The fact that I'm already starting to worry about failure or self-destruction is a very clear indication that I am just not ready.

As of tonight, I'm okay with that. I made the goal, I can change it! And so I shall.

The new goal still incorporates the same distances, but I've pushed out my timeline. The bonus is that I've come up with some races on the calendar that I'm really excited about so this will help me get out the door. I was really only so so about my spring marathon options. While browsing, I discovered there is a brand new marathon and half marathon in Savannah, Georgia. One of my very dear friends lives there. This way I would not only get to spend time with her, but I'd also get to do a marathon somewhere neither Tom nor I have raced before. An additional bonus is that Savannah is a beautiful and flat city which should make it a great race for me. The race is part of the Rock and Roll series of races which are (in my opinion) overpriced, but otherwise this is the PERFECT race for me.

The race falls on November 3rd next year. This means my marathon will be the culmination of a year of training my way back from childbirth, instead of at the start of the warm racing season. In hindsight, this makes a lot more sense to me. I'll have more time to train, obviously. Instead of full marathon training, I'm now planning to sign up for the April Martian Half Marathon here in Michigan and follow that with the May Indianapolis Mini Marathon. The Mini was my first half marathon- my mother and I trained for it together in 2001. We have done it many times. It is a fun, fun race and I haven't done it in years. After completing those two races, I'll focus on biking and swimming and hopefully get in a few triathlons. Then I can start ramping up for the marathon. Mara will be done nursing (or shall we say I will be done nursing Mara) sometime before next July (I hope) so that will make getting out for those long, long runs much easier. As will the extra hours of sunlight.

I'm very happy and excited about this plan. It seems so much more rational and more importantly, POSSIBLE. I just got back from a lovely, "the kids are down, GO!" two mile run in the fluffy snowflakes and I'm feeling very optimistic. Hooray. Merry Christmas to me!

PS. Ha ha on me... a half hour later I realized my parents will not be home in Indianapolis the weekend of the Mini Marathon. So much for easy trip with built in babysitters. Mega bummer! Well, Plan B is still a work in progress, it seems. I'm considering the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati, instead. I've always wanted to do this race, Tom has family & friends there so it will still be a fun family weekend. Just checked and they also have kids events for both Oren AND Mara. Cool!