Project Iron Mommy: Month 13
Miles Run: 659.62
Longest Run: 20 Miles

Friday, December 9, 2011

Some Days I'm Just Tired

Some days it still takes me by surprise that I'm a mom. That God trusts me with these two little people. I mean, my husband at least came into this relationship knowing what he was getting into. And theoretically, he can leave if he wants. But these little people- they are so LITTLE. And trusting. And fragile in every sense. And they are so... very... DEPENDENT. It exhausts me to just think of it all some days.

And I'm already exhausted.

That's the catch. I keep setting these goals and I still, STILL think of myself as just myself. I know what it takes to motivate myself to work out and I totally have it in me to go that far. The problem is that I forget that I am not just myself anymore. Or more accurately, I am a new "myself". Not to get to philosophical here but the truth is that regardless of my strategies and my superstar co-parent-er, I am totally exhausted. I haven't had a day "off" in a very, very long time. It takes as much energy to get both little people to the Y child care as it does to run on the treadmill and as I do so I am watching the clock and worrying about nap time and lunch time and when will Mara want to nurse and what are we going to do this afternoon? I am sustaining myself AND my little girl with the calories I take in and burn off. I can't nap because the second I do I hear a baby crying even if it is only a motorcycle engine down the street.

And these are not complaints (ok, sort of) they are just my reality right now. I'm eventually going to have to embrace this reality and get used to it if I will ever be able to be ok with this new "me". All the planning in the world may still not help me get in a long run if Mara has a growth spurt and doesn't sleep or Oren gets an owie and needs comforting or heaven forbid either one gets really sick. They are the priority right now and sometimes I don't like that a lot. It means that I can't stick to the plan "no matter what". It means even when the spirit is willing I still have to put them first.

But our family is wonderful and I am the Mommy. And somehow this Mommy will become a Mommy Athlete and I will find room for all of it. This is merely a chapter and these goals will help me create space in my new "self" for parts of the old. This weekend I get to run my hundredth mile since giving birth. That seems like a small number and at the same time, HUGE.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Plan B - Better than the First!

Miles Run Today: 2

My original plan was good. A marathon, a century ride and a 5k swim by the end of next summer. But the reality is, I'm still not logging the miles or the work outs that I need to be in order to not a) get injured or b) hate myself while training. I don't really see myself doing too many marathons in my life (this will double the number I've done so far!), so I would prefer to enjoy the journey. The fact that I'm already starting to worry about failure or self-destruction is a very clear indication that I am just not ready.

As of tonight, I'm okay with that. I made the goal, I can change it! And so I shall.

The new goal still incorporates the same distances, but I've pushed out my timeline. The bonus is that I've come up with some races on the calendar that I'm really excited about so this will help me get out the door. I was really only so so about my spring marathon options. While browsing, I discovered there is a brand new marathon and half marathon in Savannah, Georgia. One of my very dear friends lives there. This way I would not only get to spend time with her, but I'd also get to do a marathon somewhere neither Tom nor I have raced before. An additional bonus is that Savannah is a beautiful and flat city which should make it a great race for me. The race is part of the Rock and Roll series of races which are (in my opinion) overpriced, but otherwise this is the PERFECT race for me.

The race falls on November 3rd next year. This means my marathon will be the culmination of a year of training my way back from childbirth, instead of at the start of the warm racing season. In hindsight, this makes a lot more sense to me. I'll have more time to train, obviously. Instead of full marathon training, I'm now planning to sign up for the April Martian Half Marathon here in Michigan and follow that with the May Indianapolis Mini Marathon. The Mini was my first half marathon- my mother and I trained for it together in 2001. We have done it many times. It is a fun, fun race and I haven't done it in years. After completing those two races, I'll focus on biking and swimming and hopefully get in a few triathlons. Then I can start ramping up for the marathon. Mara will be done nursing (or shall we say I will be done nursing Mara) sometime before next July (I hope) so that will make getting out for those long, long runs much easier. As will the extra hours of sunlight.

I'm very happy and excited about this plan. It seems so much more rational and more importantly, POSSIBLE. I just got back from a lovely, "the kids are down, GO!" two mile run in the fluffy snowflakes and I'm feeling very optimistic. Hooray. Merry Christmas to me!

PS. Ha ha on me... a half hour later I realized my parents will not be home in Indianapolis the weekend of the Mini Marathon. So much for easy trip with built in babysitters. Mega bummer! Well, Plan B is still a work in progress, it seems. I'm considering the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati, instead. I've always wanted to do this race, Tom has family & friends there so it will still be a fun family weekend. Just checked and they also have kids events for both Oren AND Mara. Cool!