This Road is Anything but Simple

You Tube video for Kate Voegele's "Lift Me Up"

Every time I listen to the song "Lift Me Up" by Kate Voegele, and I've listened to it a ton this summer, I feel moved-really moved to the point of tears- over the lessons I've learned and burdens I've carried this summer.  What a cliche!  This is, thankfully, a burden I chose to bear.  This is what I like to call good stress.  So many of us, even just among my growing circle of friends in Facebook-land, are dealing with real stress.  You know what I'm talking about, stress about things you haven't chosen.  Stress over health.  Stress over money.  Stress over family problems.  Stress over school, jobs, addiction, housing.  These are all really big issues.  Running a marathon is not something to overcome in relation to what some of you are dealing with and I'm so thankful that my stress is truly good stress.

That said, these words speak right to my heart.  

This road is anything but simple
Twisted like a riddle I've seen high and I've seen low
So loud, the voices of all my doubts
Telling me to give up, to pack up and leave town

Even so, I had to believe
Impossible means nothing to me

So LOUD, these voices of all my doubts!  So loud that sometimes I've cried, sometimes I've laughed and so many times I have just quit (see my previous blog for that list...).  I think as we get older we should somehow be growing the confidence to doubt less, but unfortunately my ability to doubt myself remains strong.  Once again, I have to thank the faith and confidence of my husband.  As I told him over dinner after my last long run, without his whip-cracking on my back side (metaphorically speaking here) and my mom and grandma praying their butts off (again... metaphorically), I would NOT be packing my bag (and my kids bags) for Minnesota right now.  I know how hard Sunday will be for me, but it won't be a cake walk for Tom with two kids to tote all around the Twin Cities through potty stops, snack breaks and deep into nap time.  My gratitude is endless and I WILL be crying when I see them at the finish line, no doubt in my mind.  Neither my parents or my grandmother will be physically in Minnesota but they will still be with me... the image of my mom running along the sidewalk as I ran through the starting corrals and crowds of the Detroit Marathon is still precious and clear in my recent memories.  

My running mantra of the last few long runs became Kate's "Impossible means nothing to me".  I certainly haven't always believed it, perhaps not even when I clicked the button for the marathon's online registration.  It was only money, after all.  No one would have blamed me had I quit.  Except myself.  And my husband (relentless, that guy!).  I knew I wanted it.  I just didn't know if I'd get there, and that scared me all summer.  What if I put all this work into my training, all this time away from my family on the weekends and still failed to cross the finish line?  Or worse, failed to even start?  The further along in my summer, each time I resolved to keep running after quitting, I got closer to the start line.   I ran a 30k, almost 18 miles of hills in the hot and had fun.  It was that day I gave myself the permission to really believe that I could start (and finish) this marathon.  I finally began to see the "light on up the hall".  

Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

And now, here I am.  Today is Wednesday.  Tomorrow I'll pack all our bags.  Friday we'll get on a plane and then share a meal with a bunch of dear friends I haven't seen in years.  Saturday I'll pick up my race number and maybe (God willing) cheer Oren during his very first road race (wouldn't that be something?!).  And then it will be Sunday.  Race Day.  Race day!  

So can you lift me up,
Turn the ashes into flames
Cause I have overcome
More than words will ever say
And I've been given hope
That there's a light on up the hall
And that a day will come
When the fight is won
And I think that day has just begun

So, I feel amazing.  Scared, anxious, excited but more than anything ready.  I know I will run on Sunday.  I will see friends, a beautiful sky overhead, gorgeous leaves on the tress, and thousands of people cheering for us (for me!).  It is going to be a great day and I can't wait to celebrate.  With lots of gratitude.  I didn't reach the goals I'd created for myself last August, but I'm okay with that.  On Sunday I will run a marathon.  I'm a mom of two little people with a husband traveling every (darn) week and sometimes don't get anything to drink before lunch time or a shower for days but I somehow managed (with a lot of help) to find the time, the energy and the determination to train for a marathon.  Wow.

If you remember to, please do lift me up- in prayer, through meditation, online on Facebook or email.  I would so enjoy hearing your cheers and I will carry them with me.  When things get ugly (and I know they will), I will be so thankful to feel your love and support.  Thanks to all of you!  Photos and recap to come, I'm sure.  Cheers!