Embracing the Crazy (26.2!)

Miles Run Today: 7

Seven! Seven miles checked off my training plan on the way to my first half-marathon since having Mara (seven and a half months ago). Today's run was really fantastic. Nothing remarkable, just three and a half windy, hilly miles out from my house and three and a half less windy but just as hilly miles back (you know it is windy when you're thankful for the hills!). I've somewhat accepted the fact that I'm still skating by with the bare minimum of workouts- three runs a week and no cross training- but my legs feel strong. I feel strong. Each run reminds me what I often forget: the more I run, the better I feel. I spend most of the day distracted by needs and kids and tired and lists and the rest of the crazy but when I hit the last mile of my run (regardless of how long I've been out there), I'm calm, focused and feel like I can do anything.

Even a marathon!

It is my version of the "runner's high". This is one of the reasons I run. Running, for me, is definitely something I choose to do. It doesn't come naturally, nor is there an easy spot to fit it into my daily or weekly schedule. A marathon? A marathon will not fit into my schedule or our lives... at all. But I think I'm going to do it anyway. Simply, running one of the few things in my life that is both a challenge and enjoyable.

Here's what I mean. There are many things in my life that have come naturally to me and I've been relatively successful with without much work (or a lot less than others had to put in):

Piano (2nd grade)

Swimming (Elementary School)

French Horn (5th grade- high school)

Public Speaking (as far back as I can remember)

Foreign Languages (middle school)

There are other things that in order to succeed at, I would have had to put in a lot of work and I just didn't want them badly enough. There were others around me who were clearly both working harder and much more naturally gifted. Therefore I gave up the pursuit:

Math (3rd grade, middle school, high school, & as an adult)

French Horn (college)

Finding a teaching job (post-graduate)

Running, for me, is about the only hobby or skill that I have tried and kept doing that I'm not naturally good at, am clearly worse at than many, many other normal people (non-super athletes), must therefore work at regularly (practice) to see minor improvement and yet still pursue. A marathon? I cannot do a marathon without working on running A LOT. I will definitely fail if I don't "practice". And unlike many other things- that makes me want to do it. It's a little odd, I admit, but I'm really turned on by the challenge. Even though in all relative terms I am NOT great at running, and maybe because I am not great at running, I am totally addicted to seeing what my body can do (anyway) if I keep at it. Can this thirty four year old body that has carried and nursed two babies since my last marathon really train for and complete another? I don't know! But, I think so and how amazing if it could! I want to find out!

So, yes, I think I will. I know, it is crazy. But I embrace the craziness of it. The crazy makes it interesting. I'm going to do this thing.

I'm scheming. I'm sure you're interested in my plan. I'll leave that for another post. But I am excited and I'll leave you with that. I'm heading (right now!) to register for the Twin Cities Marathon. Wow. Ok, really. Right now (Roar!).

Shut Up And Run

Miles Run Today: 4

I'll be running this weekend for Sherry Arnold, you can join me if you'd like.

Hovering Over the "Submit" Key

I'm extremely tempted to register for the 2012 Twin Cities Marathon (October 7). Registration opened yesterday! If I'm going to do it I need to commit right now. Which is a problem since I'd really like to do the race but am not quite ready to commit to a marathon today.

I have talked myself in and out of this race about twenty times this month. I would definitely like to do the TC Marathon some day. For one, the race gets rave reviews from everyone who's run it on everything from the organization to the course. More significantly, since I went to college in Minnesota there is a large group of dear friends who live there (and who I don't see for very long stretches of time). It would be terrific to not only hang out with them during the weekend but also introduce my new little girl to them. And on top of that fun, I could look for some of my favorite people out on the course cheering for me (and probably at least one friend who will also be running the race!). It would be an extremely special weekend.

On the flip side- EEK - my longest run is at five miles this weekend! I have no idea if I can pull this off! And even in my moments of enthusiasm ("fire in the belly" as my husband puts it) when I decide I can commit to the training, I choke recalling the memory of 3+ hour training runs at the crack of dawn (to beat the summer heat) as I geared up for the Detroit Marathon in 2006. How am I going to pull this off?

And even if I could pull it off, the most critical questions remain: Do I want to pull this off? Should I want to pull this off? When weighing extreme commitment to a hobby (because when I step away from the "I have to ___" intense moments of training, that really is what this is) versus the rest of my life (mainly husband and kids), at what point am I being too selfish? I don't have to train for a marathon to be in shape. I could probably be quite satisfied with training for shorter races. Why is this particular distance so tantalizing, especially when it would require so much of my time and energy at a time in my life when I don't have much to spare?

I'm not quite sure. I think partly it is because it is something within the realm of the possibility for me yet also something that I may fail at if I don't really work. In all honesty, based on my experience training in 2006, I'd give myself a 60% shot of actually toeing the line if I signed up for a fall marathon right this second.

Back to the questions above, though. When I raced my half ironman in September 2010, Oren was fifteen months old. When I started my intense training period, I was out of work for summer vacation and (with Tom's support, both emotionally and financially) Oren went to day care for two full days each week even though I wasn't working so that I could get my longest bike ride and runs in. It was such a luxury, such a gift from my husband to be able to do that. And at the same time, it makes me cringe with guilt: what kind of mother am I that I will put my son in daycare so I can go run and bike? Was it amazing to have that time to go out and challenge myself? Yes. Was it embarrassing to answer a call from day care letting me know that my son had thrown up while I was on my bike? ("Sorry, its going to be at least an hour, I'm still twenty miles from my car...") Yes. My whole family would sacrifice to get me to the finish line of a marathon- this time with an additional little person.

I remember my longest run while training for Detroit- I was living in Indianapolis with my parents that summer. I was lucky enough to be using the Monon Trail there for training- miles and miles of former train track. I could just run and run and run. It was amazing. Ten miles straight out of Carmel, where my parents live, almost all the way to downtown Indianapolis I finally paused and turned around. That's when it occured to me I still had to run ten miles all the way back home. And I was out of things to think about. I doubted myself and my use of time then... there were plenty of other things I could have been doing (at the time, it was wedding planning) but instead I was still running. What is that going to be like when there are people I could be with instead of just things I could be doing? I really don't know.

Can I do it again?

I don't know.

But I kind of want to...